coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
