I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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