you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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