Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize