he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
