I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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