He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
