Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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