I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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We talked him into tasing himself.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize