life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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