dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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