I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
