Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
