i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
