on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
