hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
