let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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