After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
