oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
