she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
