New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
