it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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