ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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