Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
