areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
