Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's get the cat blown out
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
