"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
