too bad you live with your parents still
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
