Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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