You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
