All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
