Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
