tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
