Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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