u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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