We won't sleep together?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
