we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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