i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
