I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
