I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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