Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
is that a dick in a sweater?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
