I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
