Duck Duck Cougar?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
