I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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