He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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