11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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