the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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