i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
