oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
