I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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