About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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