2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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