i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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