I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
