Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
