My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize