Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
