her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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