my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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