im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A bitchslap is in order.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
