when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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