and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
