Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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