I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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