i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Randomize
