we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
