I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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