you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
