I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
