So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
