okay pat passed out under dana's car
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
