"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
