So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My day in three words: secret purse cake
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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