I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
