I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We just shotgunned beers for America
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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