I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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