My cat gives me a boner
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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