College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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