I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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